by Shaina

And when my brain comes up from sleep, first my ankles
yell at it, then at me, and we just sit around
our coffee table, frowning and furrowing at each other,
me, my ankles, and my brain, thinking of calling it off,
though usually brain and I side against ankles, and we think about
how it would be if we cut off our legs one day.  And

we think it’s probably a good idea.  Pros include

  1.  Increased proximity to pirate status
  2. Low probability of sensations in pegs, implying no rude ankle feelings
  3. Losing weight without changing anything else (weigh-ins not requiring prosthetics)

Cons include

  1.  Are stump legs less sexually attractive
  2. Sometimes we might miss ankles, general cuntiness aside, considering how easy it is to forget the bad in hindsight
  3. Jumping up to get things might usually end with falling down
  4. Will it be hard when we’re drunk, or is that something pirates can teach us to get good at

Brain believes that even though cons outnumber pros, that perhaps we need to assign each point a weight, considering some are more important than others.  So we’re still thinking about it.  But in the long run, we assume we will probably do it.  Legs were always fairly benign, but we don’t consider them a part of the actual team, because they’re boring, and we figure if we jettison the ankles, we will let them take the legs with them, and we will probably part somewhere above or maybe half way down the femur.  It would be for the best.  And we would drink tea in bed, and even if the covers were too short, pegs wouldn’t be cold, and we would be able to focus on the tasks at hand, such as drinking said tea, reading a book, or maybe making shoes for the false feet.  It would be really nice, actually.  In fact, the bit about not being cold could be another very important pro.