no pigeon

by Shaina

Don’t heavensplain don’t splay arms with water// like the time my mother said God becomes an answer by deductive logic// when i go put my face in model magic and feed me sandwiches and wet my lips with dirty martini ice, but after don’t touch me//

had i been thinking of things happening for a reason i would then have been saying I was grateful to know in advance that I was useless to the situation instead of finding out anyway// but I was because of the previous time//

–and in the same way that we arrive into strange clans there is no likely way to die back into them—-like your parents birthed you into one and then killed you out and back in–

i was more accustomed to people complaining first// but then everyone always is// like me// like i have been from the first day//

you only yewed outside the bedroom// did you only have diabetes in the living room.  But it was hot and you were tired & hot & tired & hot & tired & hot & tired probably//probably//probably

///////my new white outfits and your christmas stocking i fashioned from scrap upholstery.//////

everything and your spot at the table and your reverse matriarchy and your Renaissance era neck ruffle and murse and all your belongings which i considered part of my own